The monday morning 11am seemed to be the beginning of the end. My heart was already breaking. My mouth refused to chant any prayers for a moment. The shock of her words was almost too much to take. When I sat back to wait for my turn again, I made so many promises with the desparate hope that my plea will be heard.
I was totally devastated by the whole ordeal at the end of the day. For people like me who are ravaged with so much of changes happening in me, dealing with times when I longed for something and my body did not permit to do that, dealing with the feeling of a new ray of life, these emotions are even more intense. It was like going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma. Numerous discussions and consultations brought me to the same solution, the one I never dreamt I would have to do in my life time. Friday brought an end to all the confusions. Going home the next day, I felt hollow. I could nt openly grieve for the loss and I ended up finding secretive places to give vent to my sorrow through tears. I was filled with sorrow, anger, frustration and was finding reasons to blame someone for the loss and release the anger that would otherwise consume me. Slowly the feeling of guilt conquered me and refused to forgive me. It took a lot of effort and support from others to be able to forgive myself and finally let go the feeling of guilt that was bothering me but the void I felt will never ever be filled.
"I still feel and I ll always feel the not-so-many hours I spent with you is worth the millions of hours I spend without you. The only way to move on is to accept that there is a reason why you never made it into my future."
I was totally devastated by the whole ordeal at the end of the day. For people like me who are ravaged with so much of changes happening in me, dealing with times when I longed for something and my body did not permit to do that, dealing with the feeling of a new ray of life, these emotions are even more intense. It was like going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma. Numerous discussions and consultations brought me to the same solution, the one I never dreamt I would have to do in my life time. Friday brought an end to all the confusions. Going home the next day, I felt hollow. I could nt openly grieve for the loss and I ended up finding secretive places to give vent to my sorrow through tears. I was filled with sorrow, anger, frustration and was finding reasons to blame someone for the loss and release the anger that would otherwise consume me. Slowly the feeling of guilt conquered me and refused to forgive me. It took a lot of effort and support from others to be able to forgive myself and finally let go the feeling of guilt that was bothering me but the void I felt will never ever be filled.
"I still feel and I ll always feel the not-so-many hours I spent with you is worth the millions of hours I spend without you. The only way to move on is to accept that there is a reason why you never made it into my future."
